rachelbegins: (Default)
I don't even know, at this point.

Fandom is making me really sad, because the boys are off making no sense whatsoever.  Something Big happened, and it feels like something with those boys has shifted drastically.  I will never believe in Ryan and Jon, I just won't.  Mainly because it feels to me that, the reason Jon stayed with Ryan is because Brendon wanted Spencer with him for the simple reason that Spencer was as close to Ryan as he was going to get at the time.  He was taking what he could get because he was feeling so damn lost.  I also agree with [livejournal.com profile] lolab  about the whole 'SEE? I'M FINE WITHOUT YOU!' thing.  Brendon was trying too hard on purpose, just to get Ryan to notice him again.

Srsly.  Bandom makes my head hurt.  There's so much fic that I want to write, but I really do not have time to write anything.  I barely have time to eat and sleep and do homework.  Life is sort of kicking my ass right now and it sucks.  And  I know that it's gonna get worse once I start college in the fall, especially with my goal of making the Dean's List. 

High hopes, I guess.


rachelbegins: (Default)
I've been listening to Bright Eyes a lot more than usual lately.  And you know, I listen to them a lot, but they're pretty much all that's on my Zune quick list these days.  And I'm even sad or lonely like I usually am whenever I listen to them.  Crazy stuff.

So, I saw the music prompt on Wednesday for we are cities and I started writing this crazy standalone... type weird thing.  It's more like a bunch of little scenes that sort of go together.  And I can't decide if I want to connect them all together or leave them all very loosely related like they are now.  Surprisingly, I really like them, I think that with a bit of work, they could be really good.

Also, I think I've some new friends to aid me in my fic writing =D.  I'm so excited, I love people giving me constructive criticism when I write, it's pretty much my favorite thing ever.  Besides, there's nothing like talking to another writer.  They put things in perspective, they understand where I'm coming from.

My poetry has kind of been suffering lately.  I don't know why, but I'm just not writing as much of it as I used to.  It's kind of hard to explain.  It's not like I write a lot of poetry anyway, but when I do it's intense and long and I love it.  Something about poetry just makes me feel comfortable.  I guess it's easier for people to criticize stories, poetry can mean whatever I want it to and no one says a word.  That sounds horrible, doesn't it?  Oh well.

Graduation is in a few months and I still have so many schools left to apply for.  My grades have never been really low, but they've also never really been as high as I would like.  I'm hoping that my high ACT score will help me get into my top-choice school, but I don't know.  I've always cared about my grades, but they've never really reflected that, I guess. 

Have any of you noticed that when I'm writing blogs, my writing doesn't flow at all.  I just jump around and switch to whatever pops into my head without any regard for how ridiculous I sound.  Hope that doesn't bother anyone. 

On that note, sort of, I'm considering making my journal friends only. I don't have a lot of friends, but I really want to keep my journal private while still knowing people are listening.  Thus, friends only.  Making a banner is gonna be the hard part, since my photoshop skills are pretty much non-existent. woot.

And I wish that I could spiff up my journal a bit more, but whatever.

Sorry for all the rambling.

=]

xoxo
rachel

June 2009

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