rachelbegins: (brendon singing)
I think it would be pretty awesome if the world would just, please, start making some sense.  Kthnx? More on that later....

Anyway.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows what Dollywood is, but in case you don't, it's this big deal theme park-type thing in Gatlinburg, TN that pretty much everyone in Tn flocks to every weekend.  Seriously.  It's like our Six Flags, only it's owned by Dolly Parton [hence the name].  It's a really neat place, full of awesome rides and shows and such and I love it there, but I never get to go.  So when my friend/future room-mate offered me a free ticket to go with my high school on last Friday, I glady accepted.  Long story short, I had a freakin' blast.

It was so nice to just get out of the house and hang out with some friends that I don't really get to see very often, let alone spend time with.  I got a slight sunburn and my calf muscles hurt like hell, but it was worth it.

Saturday was calm, content.  Peaceful in a starry-eyed sort of way.  I pretty much just wrote and ate pudding all day.  Good times.  Nic called, and he was supposed to come over and bake a cookie-cake with me, but then he had stuff to do for his mom and couldn't.

Nic worries me a lot lately.  I feel like he's letting too many outside influences keep him from really being happy.  Yes, he's bi, but he doesn't really like to talk about it [it's okay that you know, Shan, just don't ever bring it up with him].  He was raised in a family that was neither here nor there religiously, and because of that, he feels like he can't be bisexual, like he isn't allowed to because of the religion he's chosen to follow.

Now, I love and support him no matter what, but I can't stand seeing him repress feelings just to keep everyone else happy.  I'm afraid that he's going to miss out on so much if he chooses to not act on any feelings he may have for guys from this point on, he might miss out on that One Person just because it might be a guy. 

There's nothing wrong with how he feels towards other guys, and I've told him this but it's hard for him to accept.  It's like... I read this book once, and it had this theory:  'As far as gay and straight is concerned, on a scale of 0 to 10, everyone on earth falls between 1 and 9.'  That makes perfect sense and I believe it wholeheartedly.  Sometimes it's hard to make other people understand that.

I want him to feel accepted by a church, to have them know about his sexuality and embrace it instead of turning him out and I know he wants that too.  Except.. I'm afraid that he's so scared of not finding it that he's not even going to bother looking, as if that would make it hurt less.  Maybe it will, but probably not.

I wish I could turn this blog to a lighter note, but I'm afraid all I have are minor chords.

College is still scary, high school is still stupid, and I am still afraid of the future but still hoping for the best.  This always happens.  I've been reading a lot of weird poetry lately, and in an attempt to fix this mess of words I've tossed together, I'd like to bring your attention to the new poem for this month.

'How to Tell a Story' by Shira Erlichman.  It's gorgeous and ridiculous and makes me smile with all my teeth, bright and real.  Look it up.  I hope it makes you think.
rachelbegins: (Default)
I don't even know, at this point.

Fandom is making me really sad, because the boys are off making no sense whatsoever.  Something Big happened, and it feels like something with those boys has shifted drastically.  I will never believe in Ryan and Jon, I just won't.  Mainly because it feels to me that, the reason Jon stayed with Ryan is because Brendon wanted Spencer with him for the simple reason that Spencer was as close to Ryan as he was going to get at the time.  He was taking what he could get because he was feeling so damn lost.  I also agree with [livejournal.com profile] lolab  about the whole 'SEE? I'M FINE WITHOUT YOU!' thing.  Brendon was trying too hard on purpose, just to get Ryan to notice him again.

Srsly.  Bandom makes my head hurt.  There's so much fic that I want to write, but I really do not have time to write anything.  I barely have time to eat and sleep and do homework.  Life is sort of kicking my ass right now and it sucks.  And  I know that it's gonna get worse once I start college in the fall, especially with my goal of making the Dean's List. 

High hopes, I guess.


June 2009

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
1415 1617181920
21 222324252627
282930    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags