rachelbegins: (Default)
So.  I have a tattoo now =].

I decided to get it on my wrist because I want to always be able to look at it and remind myself of what I'm working for.  It's gorgeous, and I love it.  Of course, now I'm sort of addicted and I can't wait to go get some more.

Unrelatedly, Gunner has decided that he might still have feelings for me.  My brain is dizzy.

And I wrote this:

this sky is littered with cotton-ball clouds,
warm like an oil-painting. beautiful and blurred.
softened edges, laden with flaws as though
God had a shaky hand, was short on a
deadline, rushed. and you imagine yourself
with all the colors of perfection splattered
along your fingertips. a brush constructed
from angels' wings and you feel like infinity
to me; so unreachable, so unreadable. I
watch with sunken eyes as that brush of
yours skims along the canvas in front of you,
thick, bold strokes of primary colors that
blend to accurately describe this mess that
we have become. you see me with an
honesty that I could never understand, paint
my face in shades of yellow while I write to
you in clipped verses and uneven lines. this
is a sign that we are both missing, a way of
life that we have stopped believing in but this
time, I want nothing more than for it to be
enough that we are both the last of our kind.




*sigh*.

ily, Shan.

rachelbegins: (brendon's MOUTH)

There are feathers everywhere, but it's fine

And it is.  I'm fine, this is fine.  I can learn to live like this.  This stupid, stupid boy.  This foolish, foolish girl.  This clumsy, clumsy heart.  I feel so disconnected, like I'm watching myself from a great distance, horrified at the choices I'm making but unable to do a thing about it.

I'm not in love with him, I don't even like him.  And he isn't in love with me, he doesn't even like me... but at the same time, it's like we're unable to be justfriends.  There's this connection between us, a golden thread that keeps us together even through our best attempts to cut through it.  Maybe it's the hopeless romantic in me, or maybe it's my inability to accept things as they are, but that has to mean something, right?  The fact that we always come back to each other has to stand for something.  Maybe we don't know what but probably, we wish we didn't know.

I'd like to get off this emo-train, but it seems as if there are no stops between where I am and where I would like to be.  This always happens.

Let's try to lighten things up a bit, shall we?  I have a ton of phrases to base fic on, but I need to finish swing!FIC first.  It's taking me forever because I want it to be good and epic and amazing and I don't know if I can pull that off.  Regarldess, here are some of the prompts I have in mind for fic:


As you drift further into the past, my memory of you fractures and splinters until all I can clearly remember is not a picture but a feeling.

Items will say “no known compatible issues” because there will be no known compatible issues and there won’t be any jails or courts or manuals or propriety or form signing and faxing because you will trust me and I will trust you.

And when I asked you how you'd been I meant I missed you more than I've ever missed anything before.

You can never lose yourself so much that I won't find you. And remind you of what it felt like to be here.

It's easy. You just love me with all your heart and soul till the end of time.

You're not lost. You are the sky. Your parts move and now, never rust. You are burning wheels and a turning world. You are the wind in silver hair. This is our road. I am a map to you.


God.  I know that it sounds as if I plan to kill the boys from so much heartache, but I don't know how to write a sad ending, so.  Promise, I won't make the resulting fics too angsty.  

UB is hell.  I don't know how to function without Nic but I guess this is good for us.  Learning how to be okay without each other around constantly will come in handy when I start school.  =/.  

Also, tattoo soon =].  Hopefully this weekend, but only if Nic can go with me.  I feel like it would be something of a waste to go without my best friend.  Oh, and, since people keep asking, the reason I'm getting this tattoo all of a sudden is because my friend Rebekah is turning 18 on Thursday.  This is a huge deal, mainly because we've been counting down the days to her 18th birthday for 2 and a half years.  A little over a year ago, we agreed to get tattoos done together for her 18th birthday and here I am, planning out my simple treble clef.

When I called the tattoo parlor today  and he asked me what I wanted to get done so I told him, "I want a simple treble clef, behind my right ear." and he was like, 'That is going to hurt like hell.'  I just shrugged and replied, "Well, yeah.  But music is something I've always loved and will always love.  The pain is worth it for having music permantly under my skin." and he was just quiet for a few seconds XD.

But yeah.  Shan is the only person who ever reads my journal and I love her for it.  [I hope you liked your sign].



June 2009

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