rachelbegins: (Default)
the warm spaces between your fingers
feel like infinity to me and I'm drowning
in the depths of your dreams. the tear of
water in my lungs, the tug of razorblades
scraping skin. it's the illusion of shadows
when things go bump in the night and the
guidance of stars that are just satellites,
leading us all in a circle around infinity
that just loops back to being lost in the
eyes of needles, unseeing and not caring
about whether you make it through or not.

pinpricks bleed drops of tears and you
cry acid, they leave trenches in their
wake, scars you'll never be able to forget
and the past is never far enough for you to
let it go.  chew on your nails until they bleed
and taste the salt with broken eyes. let it
leak into old wounds because you still feel
like hurting yourself for things you never had
control over.  tear yourself apart until you
don't know how to put yourself back together.

it's the feeling that your heart is smudged
around the edges and you don't know how
to make it into something beautiful. the
disappointment you feel eating an orange
and then biting into a seed, and well, I'm
content with being the paper plate you spit
the seeds onto.  I'm waiting here until you
finally decide that you need me again.

but there's an edge to your voice that
cuts through my control like the skip
of a record, throwing me off and making
me feel nostalgic for those days when
it was easier to breathe and I didn't
constantly feel like there was a knife
lodged between my shoulder blades.

it's the reassurance of speakers pulsing
against your fingertips in beat to the
only thing that can save you, it's you
and me and keeping the windows down
all year, feeling snowflakes against our
cheeks at 30 miles per hour, it's taking
the perfect picture right before the batteries
die and it's the soft weight of you on my
mind that can always keep me grounded.

or maybe this is all an illusion that I'm
afraid to let go of, maybe it's losing the
lyric book to your favorite CD, even though
you already know all the words, afraid of
forgetting what you swore you never would.
the strobe lights of ambulances at 2 in
the morning and feeling detached from any
kind of sympathy,  falling with your eyes
closed because even when you know they're
waiting, you can't look to see the rocks.

you are such a natural at being loved that
maybe you don't take the time to learn how
to love other people.  that could be your
biggest downfall or the last boost you need
to make it out of this alive.  whether it's good
or bad or we never know the difference, I'm
still waiting in infinity with my fingers keeping
yours company until you make up your mind



June 2009

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