american girls, all weather and noise

I don't even know.  Cut for angst and general crazy.


( angst.angst.angst )

I think this icon accurately expresses how I'm feeling right now.  Here, have some quickly and poorly written poetry.


only the curious

these nights feel like forever, every second drags
on for miles and I am so far from home. I can't
see the light in your eyes from here, come back
to me?  come into the light so I can see that
smile and those eyes and we both know where
this is heading.  it's no secret that my heart, it
beats so slowly but in perfect time with yours. 
this rush of days and nothing will erase the mark
you've made upon my heart: a permanent reminder
that I will follow wherever you will lead me, out of
the woods and into a world where nothing makes
sense, not even you and it's true, I would give up
forever to touch you and I know that you feel me
somehow, you have to, I can hear it in your voice,
every I love you is left unsaid to die in whispers
between us, this empty static that plays on a
lonely radio, the one that's left behind. love, we
were perfection, the kind of forever that they are
jealous of.  and you, you gave it all  up for nothing. 
she may have a better kiss  but it will never last,
and all that I can give  you is everything I have:
a heart that's bruised but waiting for your arms,
two eyes that see the beauty that rests inside
of you, and a love that will wash over us and
calm this sea of uncertainty.  oh, and love, I
miss your voice, that quiet drawl in the early
hours to set me at ease, and those uneven
notes to lull me to sleep.  nothing will ever erase
the safety I found in your arms, the comfort I
depended on, the love that kept me above water. 
and all of it, I will remember.  youandme and
everything in between, every second another
reminder that I lost the other half of my heart. 
so I, I will stay here in the cobwebs of your past,
with every good thing you  left behind, waiting. 
time is nothing to me,I have more than enough,
every word we say is one step closer to where we
will end up, alone, together, at the end of the world

It's quiet, following just behind your
shadow, sneaking just outside your
field of vision.  a small laugh that you
barley catch, just a turn of your head
and you still can't hear me, see me,
can you feel me? feel my love, soft,
just out of your reach.  just what you
thought you would never need, and
now you're finding it hard to breathe
without my smile to calm your nerves.
I will not be the drug that soothes your
troubled thoughts and I refuse to be
your last resort.  I can't help but want
to be your safety net, the one place you
can fall and softly land, a safe place that
only we can find.  we will follow the road
where it turns to gravel, take off our shoes
as it is reduced to dust, part the tall grass
by the water and squish our toes through
the mud.  I would tell you that I love you,
but you would only run.  and I would only
let you, dip my feet in the cool river, tread
water until I cannot see, cannot feel,
cannot hear your broken voice as it rings
in my ears:  'nothing we love will ever stay
the way we want it to, beauty fades and
love was created to be taken away', oh but
I never got the chance to tell you that love
is never created or destroyed, it just is, and
it is a gift, one that never leaves, but changes
forms.   water fills my ears and your heavy
footsteps have long faded, and my love
for you is waiting in every piece of this
mess I mistake for a heart, pulsing through
every beat and it has filled my body with
a fire that only you can put out, and you
have doused it yet again. 



I don't know what to say for myself.  Sometimes I just write, with no regard for the mess I make.