american girls, all weather and noise

It's been one of those days.

I don't want to bother re-hashing it here, but if you're interested, it's all in my Tumblr. 

you don’t always notice it right away
but part of its beauty is that you don’t
always have to.  love will stick around
long after you tell it to leave, and
promise you only things it can keep.

Three cheers for random bad poetry!  God.  Part of me just wants to cry for no reason.  I have amazing people in my life, and all the people who have brought me down are out of my life for good.  I have my college life set, and my future has never looked so bright…  So what’s holding me back?

I know what it’s like to be perfectly, indulgently happy.  Every individual piece of my life is perfect so why is it that, when I put them all together, all I get is a mess? I mean, it’s car a crash.  Passengers sustained minor injuries, but the driver is in intensive care.

Sometimes I think I’d be happier in a hospital bed.

xxoo
rachel
 

 

Sometimes, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and not know where I am.  I'll stretch and blink and reach for my glasses and in those first few moments of blurry consciousness, nothing feels like it should.  My eyes are too warm, my limbs are too light and it feels as if something has crawled under my skin.  And well, ever since I got this ridiculous cold, that's how I've been feeling.  I just.  I feel like I'm not all here. I fee like radio static.  Frazzled.  A little bit desperate and lost.

Let it also be known that I pretty much make less than sense when I'm on any kind of medicine, let alone taking one of every pill in the house, as I am now.  I will probably look at this entry tomorrow and want to punch myself.

On the bright side, my 18th birthday isn't until March 25th, but my mom bought my present  today:  2 tickets to see Fall Out Boy in Charlotte on April 24th.   And let me just say that I've never been more excited for anything.  Ever.  Fall Out Boy is my band, you know?  The one band that I've just always been into more than anyone else I know.  I'm a die hard, since Evening Out...  And honest to God, I could not have a more amazing mom.  The tickets and fees and parking totaled around 141 dollars and I don't even know if we can afford that.  But part of me doesn't even care because I'm not used to being about to do stuff like this and it almost feels like, after all the things I've gone without over the years, I deserve this.

She got two tickets, so I'm taking my bestie, Nic.  He even volunteered to drive =].  Obviously, we're excited as crap.

And this is gonna be my first real show.  I'll be 18 and going to my first show.  I think that fits, somehow.  It fits because going to big deal shows since the age of 12 doesn't make you hardcore, it makes you careless.  You don't appreciate concerts when you're 12.  When you're 12, you're a baby.  I'm excited because I'm old enough to really appreciate who I'm seeing, old enough to really enjoy myself. 

That reminds me of something I hate about a lot of Fall Out Boy fans, they're such snobs.  Seriously, if you haven't been to every show ever, they just turn up their noses and treat you like shit.  I know, I've been there.  They don't understand that forcing their parents to not go grocery shopping just so they can go to a show is not being a die-hard, it's being a snotty kid.  And we all know that happens.  Kids will cry and scream until they get their parents to hand over the credit cards.  My mom has never been able to afford concert tickets for me, so I've never bothered asking.  Because of that, I've missed 11 concerts in 7 years, at least.  Those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.  And it's never mattered because I've always known that it's more important to pay the bills. Growing up poor is good for a kid.

And because I've never seen FOB live,  no one on the message boards or Friends or Enemies will take me me seriously.  Very frustrating.  I guess that they just don't understand that there's a whole group of die-hards out there who simply don't have the means to see them as often as we would like, if at all.

Sorry about all the ranting, but I get really into the scene.  I think that everyone should just let the music speak for itself.  I wish that people would just stop being crazy. 

Still!  4 hours in a car with my best friend.  It's a good time already, pretty much.  And I made sure mom got GA floor seats so we can get up close to the stage and freak out and stuff. 

This brings me to my list of artists that I would love to see live, in no particular order:

1.  Jackson Browne.
2.  Panic at the Disco.
3.  Green Day.
4.  Gym Class Heroes.
5.  Counting Crows.
6.  Anna Nalick
7.  The Academy Is...
8.  The Eagles [just because]
9.  Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
10.  Jack's Mannequin.

It makes me really happy that FOB is no longer on the list because I'm actually gonna see them. 

I have to go back to school tomorrow and I don't want to because it's probably not safe to drive a mini-van while on cold medicine, and I have to turn in my annotated bibliography for my research paper on E.E. Cummings.  I haven't even started the actual paper, and my rough draft is due on Friday.

I haven't eaten in three days and now that I'm done ranting and not making any sense, I'm gonna go to sleep.

xo
rachel